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It’s not enough to say, “no thank you, not yet.” Rather, there is an overwhelming pressure to say, “no, because…” Sometimes, it feels easier to just lie back and think of England (or Benedict Cumberbatch).It’s not only women who've bought into the notion they need to explain if they wish to abstain. They’re convinced that if a girl hasn’t got her kit off three or four dates in, she’s simply not interested.“If we can see that not everyone is having sex like this, it becomes easier to talk about the ways in which our own sexual experiences deviate from that ‘norm’.Or at least to acknowledge that the norm is more arbitrary than it might seem.” For sexual ‘freedom’ to be just that, it needs to be about what women want to do, not what they feel they ought to do.But it was Sex and the City that instilled in us the notion that there was something a bit wrong with you if you didn’t want to have sex with somebody after a couple of cocktails and a dinner date.Looming large in my mind to this day is the episode where Carrie starts dating Aidan.
And this is the real problem of modern day “sexpectations” – okay perhaps no one’s going to actually force you into it. The onus is very much on you to provide some kind of watertight explanation.That’s why the issue remains this big, hulking, stifling sexual elephant.But sometimes, with the right friends, in the right setting (with the right amount of wine), women will tentatively talk about it.Otherwise, it's just another set of rules to control us.Rachel Hills' book, The Sex Myth, will be out in August 2015, published by Simon & Schuster in the US, and Penguin in Australia The Big Short, the film adaptation of Michael Lewis' book of the same name about the causes of the financial crisis, opens in UK cinemas this weekend.